Kat

So after being called a cheater by an immediate family member and not being acceptable to hang out with one of my only friends that keep me from jumping off a cliff, because he is a male and I’m married. I vent to my oh so wonderful husband what my mom had said. To which my husband replies with just as much venom and accuses if me of the same thing. Sure me and him had been in love, but it’s over now. I married my husband and I have an adorable handful of a son with him. We all cried a river over it, so it’s about fucking time they all build a bridge and fucking get it over it already. I don’t understand why males and females can’t be friends without the gossip folks saying other wise. Sometimes people let their minds wander too much.

I don’t understand why I sacrifice so much for him, yet I get nothing in return. And why is it when I breakdown I’m nothing but a low self esteem emo in his eyes? He is disgusted with my depress emotions that he is “fucking tired of you letting the outside world turn you all gloomy and suicidal.” I’m sorry I guess you don’t know what it feels like to be on a daily basis called worthless and being criticized on everything you do till you don’t even know wants the right thing to do anymore. And getting advice like this “Get like me. Your outlook on life is just all gloomy doomy.” and this “Negative Nancy, live with your head in the clouds for once.” does not help. No I won’t live with my head in the clouds. Sorry, I’m trying to think realistically, because dreaming all day long in la la land is not going to feed our son, and is not going to pay our bills. So I will continue to think realistically, pessimistically, and never have high hopes for something, because 99.9% of the time it fucks up. When I don’t expect anything and prepare for the worst is the reason why I’m here today and why I have survived so far. So no, I won’t “Get like you.” being me suits me just fine.